Love & Marriage

Weldon and I celebrated our third wedding anniversary last week!  I know I’m deviating a bit from my usual

kitchen, homestead, and farm topics, but as I see it, all things in this life are interconnected.  Weldon and I are the core of this homestead and as such our marriage plays a vital role in how our homestead, kitchen, and farm exist.  Some readers may think this topic too personal or maybe a bit presumptuous for such a newly-married person.  I have no disclaimer there, but perhaps you’ll get a good chuckle from this week’s story and can appreciate a dose of young love. 

My husband and I span the gamut with our anniversary celebrations – we can be frugal, quirky, and/or splurge a bit “just because”.  This year we were lazy about making plans.  We waffled between gift and outing ideas.  Then we waffled some more.  With our Wednesday anniversary less than a week away we finally decided to go on an outing over the weekend – dinner at a little Thai restaurant and a movie at the theater.  This would be very out of the norm for us and we got excited!

As we pulled into the theater parking lot we were a bit unnerved by the line that was already wrapped around the corner.  Naively hopeful we took our place with the others.  My heart sank at the first glimpse of the ticket booth:  1:30 Show Sold Out.  Bummer!  We chose to forego a pre-emptive ticket purchase for a later show to instead take care of a few family gift errands until our appetites dictated heading to dinner.  We went to one of our favorite stores (because it’s chock full of kitchen ware) to find a stainless steel spatula for use with our cast-iron cookware.  I hate to admit a purchase could have such sway on us, but the find did soften the movie blow.  With spatula in hand, we also secured our other family items and made the rounds back toward the cash registers. 

Along the way I stopped in the bedding aisle.  After a brief discussion in which I unsuccessfully attempted to spark Weldon’s memory about a previous conversation to replace our very old and very gross pillows, I started burying my head into each one on display.  Like an oil drill I rhythmically did my bobbing work until striking a winner.  Weldon bobbed once, stood back up, and agreed with my choice.  “You can pick out your own you know; we don’t have to have the same pillow,” I lectured.  “But we’re best friends!” He grinned, “Besides, I do like this one.”  Just then the store manager came by asking if we needed any help.  Naturally we said we didn’t, but the conversation somehow ended with us demoting our first choice in favor of two “ultimate, super-duper pillows” at a reasonable price that we’d somehow missed in our unaided bobbing efforts.  We left the store with a Happy Anniversary Smooch and a shrug.  Our third (not thirty-fifth) anniversary gift to each other would be pillows.  Yes, pillows.  Did I mention we have a knack for quirky celebrations?

With the movie disappointment long gone and our fluffy pillows spooning in the back of the car, we arrived at the Thai restaurant.  The sign read, “Closed on Sundays.”  POOF!  Talk about wind out of our sails!  We half scowled and half smirked.  This outing was beginning to be more astonishing than we could find annoying.  We turned back toward a pizza joint.  Not quite as exotic as Thai, but still delicious.  There was even a trivia book to peruse while waiting.  I did the asking, he did the answering.  Our nerdy hearts were completely smitten.  Like teenagers, we giggled and swooned sitting side-by-side in the booth.  On our grand anniversary outing we neither ate Thai nor saw a movie, but we returned home with leftover pizza, two new pillows, and a kooky story!  Two evenings later we topped it off with a candlelight dinner complete with salvage-store sparkling cider and homemade quiche.

Love and Marriage: I’m not an expert at either…but I’m convinced that no person is.  All anyone knows is their own experience and the observations of any others around them.  Like any good student, I want to keep learning and like any good teacher, I want to be willing to share what I know in hopes of helping others.  I have realized that the most common connotations of marriage fall on opposing sides of a spectrum.  On one end marriage is naively blissful and often temporary; on the other end it is barely tolerable and usually long-lasting.  Exploring either of these camps or anything in between is beyond the scope of my blog, but I do find the entire spectrum to be pervasive, sad, and unnecessary.  Marriage can (and I dare say should) be blissful, empowering, fulfilling, and forever.   I know, I know...Weldon and I are yet to have kids, enough years under our belts, sagging parts, or fill in the blank.  I’m not attempting to say a good marriage is puppy dogs and fuzzy bunnies.  I’m not even going to be so brazen as to state that my marriage is without flaws and hang-ups.  Regardless, I whole-heartedly believe that two truly-committed people with a common paradisiacal destination can make a successful journey despite the terrain. 

In my estimation, a good marriage begins long before an “I do” is spoken.  Despite how much we may want to, we cannot see into the future to allay every concern we may have.  We can, however, do our best with what we have been given by studying the past and present.  Pounding hearts and starry eyes are part of it, but the lion’s share is a proactive work, a labor even.  In my case I considered it a labor in my best interest; but at the time it was neither as clear nor as assuring as it appears now in black and white.  The entire thing is a leap of faith.  It all begins with two individuals who are honest with themselves about their limitations, strengths, and character before they ever meet. When they do meet, these individuals are then willing and capable to allow time and experience to lay bare their own reality of self (and to earnestly and honestly assess their mate’s).  No matter how long the process requires, if after all this the two agree to enter a marriage covenant with all reasonable faith in the other, I believe they’ll be in decent shape to keep growing as individuals and a couple, to weather life’s storms, and to hold on to the blissful state of love and friendship they cultivated while courting.  This is my hope and intention in my own marriage and for all others.  Call me young and optimistic, I don’t mind. 

It may only be my third anniversary, but if “spoiled” plans, new pillows, and a candlelight dinner at home are an adequate celebration of our head-over-heels love, I’m looking forward to what we come up with next year!